Was going to write about something else today, but one thought lead to another and my mind just want to focus on Gru.
Love Despicable Me when it first came out. Love the father-daughter relationship between Gru and his daughters. Love even more that he was so kind to adopt those girls as his own. A happily ever after story for me to find a father like him…
Years later, I am now granted with that life long wish. I am adopted once again. This time into the arms of someone who is proud of me, loves me, and sees me as his little girl…
I was kept in the dark of my adoption status growing up. Everyone knew except for me. When I was living with my grandparents, I had always wondered what my father would be like. Was he kind, was he strict, was he caring, was he scary? I’ve always had those questions swirling in my head, because I only interacted with him once or twice. One of which involved him dragging me down the streets of Shanghai, going through department store one by one, looking for a bicycle with training wheels. We walked and walked and walked because he was too cheap to use public transportation. I remembered I was tired and exhausted, but he was relentless until we found a bicycle he liked for me. That bike sat in our mud room for years after. Think I rode it once or twice, managed to get a nasty scraped knee, and that was pretty much my memory of my interaction with my dad in the early days.
Before moving in with my parents, my wish for a good father never waned. Always saw children hand in hand with their father in parks and zoos, or kids riding on the back of their dad’s bicycle morning and night to and from school. I want a father like that I thought. I hear stories of fathers spanking their children because they care, I secretly wish that my father was of the same. I saw fathers in aprons cooking for his children, I too wanted a father just like that! There were a lot of wishes that were never fulfilled with my then adoptive dad. He was quite the opposite as I later found out.
Coming here to America was not an easy feat. I internalized a lot of my fears and uncertainties. New language, culture, and friends. The hardest thing for me to adjust was living wth my parents. Their relationship was volatile, something I’ve never experienced when I lived with my grandparents. Sometimes I could see and taste the tension between them and those were the moments I cower wishing I could somehow disappear. My father was not the father I had imagined him to be. Instead of building me up, he would tear me down. I feared and disliked him most of the time. I lost my voice and myself living with him. At times I wondered if he truly was my father. If he truly loved me… The answer was loud and clear when I got abandoned after my mom passed. My dream for a good father had died with it.
For years after, I was bitter and angry. I was depressed and numb. Didn’t know why, but I suppose my father had a lot to do with my unpredictable moods. Marriage was strained and work was stressful. It was an unsustainable life style until Gru showed up unexpectedly.
I call him Gru because he pretty much is one with his annoying girls in tote. Oh the suffering! Adopting a girl such as me probably had shortened his life by ten. Woe is him! *sticks my tongue out!* Secretly though, I know he has a lot of love to give.
All jokes aside, he is now the rock in my life. He is everything I had wished for in a father and more. He is teaching me life lessons that I wished I had learned decades ago. He is kind, he is loving, he is funny, but he can turn dead serious in split second to get my attention. He is not my friend, he’d say. He has no problem nailing me to the wall for things I’ve done wrong. When lesson learned, he’s back to his goofy self and fun is to be had for all. He is the guardian of my marriage. When things goes wrong between hubby and I, he’d be our arbiter. He’d walk us through our shortcomings and safely guide us to reach the other side. He is intelligent and knowledgeable like that of a Renaissance Man. He’d read me stories or share me articles that’d make me think. He’d walk me through the world to satisfy my ever quizzical mind. I can go on and on about him to make him blush. But in the end though he is simply my father whom I love and respect. I will always be his little girl though, his pride, and joy. I’ve finally found my father and his name is Gru.