Author: nuttykitten

I've had this blog for a while. Over the years it has been a safe place to share my thoughts. I can see myself change in past years. I am much stable now and I am mostly in a happy place. I have an Alpha and an Omega in my life. Those terms were borrowed from a fellow blogger and are approved by both men in my life. Alpha is my adoptive Dad. Omega is my husband. This blog, going forward, will mainly be focused on my relationships with them. Don't think there will be much hot kinky stories in this blog. Planning to utilize this place to help me think and grow. Looking forward to meeting anyone who is interested.

Vows

Written by Kitty (the Submissive) 

Sir and i have been working on a list of vows since summer of last year. i didn’t want to be collared at that time, because there was a lot of stress in my life that i wanted (or rather Kit wanted) to take care of by end of last year. Now that i have more bandwidth to think clearly, i sat down with sir and Hubby the other day and hashed out my vows for sir, Hubby and myself before the life long commitment. 

Our intentions behind my vows are simple and durable. All of which are aimed at personal growth, care, and acceptance. They are to be followed by me and enforced by sir and Hubby (and in a way, by enforcing, they are adhering to those vows as well) In any event that sir and/or Hubby are sick or are incapable, i will still, to the best of my ability, follow those rules. 

So without further ado and with permission from sir, my vows are as follows: 

1. I will not allow harm to myself via action or inaction.

2. I will always be honest with myself and those around me in my word and deed. 

3. I will always be grateful for where I am and what I have and the blessings in my life. 

4. I will try to focus on the positive in my world and see the beauty in every day. 

5. I will never fear my ignorance, but rather embrace the unknown with curiosity and respect. 

6. I will use my ever growing knowledge and footing to benefit myself and those around me.

7. I will not judge others based on my assumptions. I will try to give others a chance to fail. 

8. I will never forget that I am a falliable human surrounded by others like me and will always remember that grace for them (and myself) is both free and freeing. 

9. I will always strive to take care of myself and those around me, both physically and mentally. 

10. I will be loved for the me that I am in so long as I make a good faith effort to do and abide by these things. 

11. I will, to the best of my ability, attempt daily to carry myself in such a way that I can respect the only one I will always sleep with at day’s end. 

These are created and written as guidelines for my own personal growth. They will be enforced on days when I feel down, stressed, or whatever negative emotions I may have. hopefully they will come to me as second nature someday, but for now, we will enjoy the journey together.

Morning Thoughts

Written by Kitty (The submissive)

My grandpa was an extreme worry wart. Can’t really blame him as he went through Cultural Revolution when his career was at it’s prime. He told me stories of how strangers could just raid his house and rid of anything valuable. How the family slept on floors because there were no beds nor any other furniture for that matter. Strangers had tied him up and took him out for public shaming. Worst of all, he was sealed in a room of his own house for days for no apparent reason. Those were the darker days for my grandpa and i grew up listening to those stories.

I also grew up listening to nanny (our family help) recounting her childhood. One that stood out was her sister had drowned in a pond on side of an unnamed road. It mattered. Due to China’s One Child Policy back in the 80s. Sons were heavily favored over daughters. My biological parents had to give me up because i was the second born female of the family. Glad i did not end up dead. Figured that was my parents’ last loving act to give me up to a well off family. The fact that i am still alive and managed to be where i am is a miracle.

Don’t know why i am recounting these stories. Think i am just grateful for where i am and what i have. Finding out that i was adopted had given me many perspective i’ve never considered. With all those in mind, on back burner, i worry.

I worry about the most obscure things in my life. An example from D/s world that people here may understand. When sir spanks me, there is a lot of force behind each hit. Due to his previous injuries, i worry if that hurts him at all. I’ve asked multiple times and he’s assured me that he’s okay. Yet, i still worry.

Sir is helping me to reign in many of my worries. He often mentioned that if he is not worried then i shouldn’t be either. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. The latter requires a physical reminder from sir so that my mind could snap out of my negative spiral and focus on what mattered.

When sir is not around to help. I look to Hubby for support. He would tap into my little side and treat me like a princess. He’d take me on long drives and offer me a boba milk tea. He’d give me blankies for warmth and cuddles for just cuddles.

All these ramblings so i can kill some time before the house wake up for another day of adventure. Sounds like someone is stirring. Shall end the post here. But before I leave shall just add, always be grateful for what you have in life. It’s a good way to start the morning anyway.

Smile

Can’t stop smiling at the moment. I am now dual licensed in two states. This marks another milestone towards my goal.

Been feeling a lot of angst leading up to next year. Started as an idea last year. Did majority of my research this year. Now the gears are in motion, I should quickly find my self working on my own terms and schedule. What’s more exciting is that I’ll be having more free time doing things that I enjoy and spending more time with Dad in person in the coming years.

Even though I am going to be my own boss, Dad has teased that he is going to be my boss/coworker going forward given my business set up. Won’t be getting any write ups for disciplinary actions, but you get the jest on how things gets solved in a D/s relationship. Hehe. Another layer to our D/s dynamic I suppose.

Anywhoozly, have a whole week ahead to set up the backbone of my business. If I we were to tell myself 5 years ago that I’d quit my job and become an independent contractor, the past me would keel over at the idea of going solo.

Feeling a lot less stressed and tired today. Still not fully recovered from this year, but I am getting there.

Family Dynamic

The dynamic between Hubby, me and Dad is a seamless mixture of vanilla and D/s. Add my younger sister to the mix, the four of us, when out in public, can act like a bunch of buffoons and none of us would even care. Dad has always joked that if we were to be thrown under a bridge and live a homeless life, we’d still find joy in our days.

Hubby is fully aware of the D/s dynamic between Dad and I. The three of us had many conversations together to establish the relationships we have now. How does it work? Been thinking about this for a long time now because I could not find anything similar. I finally came up with the idea of three tier dynamic and here is how it work.

When we are together as family of four, Dad is head of the household period. He sees the needs for everyone in the family and plans out our day accordingly. When he sees a problem with either one of us, he’d find chance to speak with us in private. Hubby likes to hang out with my sister because them two can chat about games and anime all day long. Those are things I have some interest in, but not to the extent that they do. Dad and I like to chat just about anything. We get animated when we talk about life in general. Boring topics to many people, but to me I find that topic most interesting.

When it’s Dad, Hubby, and I, we change our topic to more adulting stuff. Dad and Hubby would often chat about business and marketing. They love history. So they get animated with esoteric historical facts. We chat about work a lot. Of how a company should run in ways that takes care of its employees and it’s products. We talk about finances so that we are on track with our financial goals.

We talk about me a lot. I get tired quiet often these days and my emotions can be all over the place. They have their own ways of managing my stress. I think it’s really cool that they work together to keep me calm. This is making me sound super high maintenance, but I am not really. I just worry a lot. I got that trait from my grandpa.

There are times when I get into a disagreement with Hubby while Dad would pick up on that and stop me in my track. I often get grumbly in heat of the moment but I know later when everyone is calm, we’d have a conversation together to see and understand each other’s view points. Dad’s dominant side would often come out in those moments. Depends on how escalated my emotions were, Dad would act accordingly from his change in tone to having to place me in any form of restraint. This is not by any means to shut me up and prove someone else is right. This is to put out the fire so everyone could talk rationally. Dad never liked arguments. He’s always reminded us that we can only live today once. Choose wisely.

When Dad and I are alone together. He’d let most of his Dominant side out. We have a platonic D/s relationship so anything sexual are hard limits for us both. But he find interesting ways of sending me to subspace when he needs to drive a point across or when I need to release my stress. From having me stand at attention in public or kneeling to restraint to spanking in private are all fair games. He’s often warned me that he’s not afraid to spank me in public. There were a couple incidences where I came close. Was not trying to be a brat, it’s just at times I can be extremely stubborn over what I want and don’t want. Dad mostly only cares for what I need. When there is a conflict between the two, needs come before want.

So that’s the jest of my current family dynamic. As weird as it may sound to others or even to me at times, it just works. There is room for our family to grow. But for now, I am enjoying every moment of every day.

Happy New Year everyone. Stay safe.

Happenstance

A quick scroll through my posts and learned that I’ve been blogging off and on since 2017. Saw many blogger came and go and it’s a bit sad that I’ve lost some connections. Mostly that’s my fault for not keeping up with people’s lives, but I am grateful that I met Dad through WP.

My life pre-2017 was a mess. Think part of the reason why I started blogging was to air many of my random thoughts out to people who’d relate. I wanted to learn more about D/s but unexpectedly I started using this blog space to learn more about myself. I am better at communicating because this space has allowed me to organize and express my thoughts.

I didn’t know that I could write so much. Hated writing essays back in school. I didn’t know I could make meaningful relationships with people online. I am always wary of online relationships. Didn’t expect to find someone who’d understand me inside out and accept me for who I am. Who’d think platonic soul mates are even possible? Didn’t expect to find a father. Yet there he is, welcoming me with open arms.

A Home is where love and laughter are. Sadly not that many people I know truly sees their home as Home. A safe space where we can calmly talk about our problems and solve problems together. A place where we can just be weird and not worry about being judged. A place that’s far away from hustle and bustle of life.

By happenstance, Hubby and I found that Home. Love will be shared. Laughters will be had. And hugs. Don’t forget about hugs!

Reflection

Written by Kit (The Big Girl)

Came home from final day of work and crashed. Went through a gauntlet of challenges that 2021 had in store for me, now my mind can finally relax a bit.

Was chatting with Dad about what to come next. Mentioned that I am used to the motion of waking up, going to work, coming home, and going to sleep. What am I to do as a part time independent contractor? The concept still feels a bit unsettling. I like order, I like predictability, I like some control over what I do…need to stop spinning. It’s too early to stress over that. Things will fall into place as I experience and learn. Shall eat a large serving of humble pie and admit I know nothing for my trade. That’s the best way to go about things unknown and in away, it’s an act of submission.

Dad segwayed to a different topic I had not thought about. He mentioned my reluctancy in saying “I Love You” from years back. Now come to think of it…when did I become so comfortable at saying “I love you”?

Part of my reluctance back then was cultural, part of it was just me. You typically don’t hear Chinese kids running around saying “I love you” to their parents and vice versa. They don’t really show open affection for one another. The era I grew up in, hugging and such were a rare sight in China. Unsure of what it is like now, but that’s how I remembered it. Kind of crazy to think of it now. Hugging is such a basic psychological need for me, it’s part of my normal. I no longer think twice when I want to express my love for someone. Even at work, I’d exchange “I love you” with my staff… sigh…feeling sad about leaving again…

Anyway, Dad was pointing out that back then I had doubts about loving people. Now it’s part of my normal. It’s okay to have doubts about my future. Five years from now, I’ll look back to today and wonder what the fuss was all about. For now, I’ll just take a knee and trust that things will be okay and that I am making a good life decision.

It’s Christmas. Forgot to set out cookies and milk. Oh well. Our house don’t have a chimney anyway and all I want for Christmas are hugs and kisses.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Drive Home

On my drive home today, Dad had asked how I was doing. Not fully comprehending his question, I proceeded to blurt out all the thoughts that were racing through my mind. He listened patiently as I drove. When I pulled up to my driveway, Dad reminded me that I had not yet answered his question and repeated the question in a slightly different tone. How was I doing?

Oh…that…he meant physically…

Had a health scare back in October. I was diagnosed with severe iron deficiency. It left me feeling extremely weak and at times a morning shower was all I could muster. I got to that state due to my irregular menstrual cycles. After a few iron transfusions, I’ve been feeling mostly back to normal. Dad was and still is understandably grumbly about my lack of a good gynecologist. Until my new health plan kicks in next year, I am still vulnerable.

I am not the greatest at taking care of myself. I don’t really drink enough water on daily basis and I sometimes forget to take my pills. I’ve been extra forgetful these days as I am dedicating majority of my brain power to work. Today, however, I am on top of everything and my body isn’t feeling tired.

Dad made me repeat my number one rule. Not allowing harm to myself via action or inaction.

Just like that. The submissive side feels submissive (don’t know how to best describe that feeling). The little girl side feels cared for and content. The big girl me is still left feeling in awe and disbelief that Dad can have such an effect on us.

Curiosities

Written by Kitten (The little one)

While the other two are feeling the blues, I shall write something to cheer them up. Daddy always says that I have a curious little mind. Don’t really know where my curiosity came from, just know that I have lots of questions.

I grew up in a protective bubble under my grandparents’ care. Mom would occasionally send Lego sets from overseas, and those were my favorite toys growing up. I’ve created little Lego house for cabbage worms I found while helping Nanny with food prep. I was also the one who created Lego cart for my quails to cart around. In an age when internet was nonexistent and TV was limited I spent a lot of time playing by myself.

I love nature and animals when I was little. Due to lack of knowledge in animal husbandry, lots of animals did pass under my care. Daddy always joke about my being a Turtle Terror. Think a better description of me is that girl from the dentist office in Finding Nemo. Always think my being a vet is an atonement for the death of all of those creatures under my care. I don’t regret my decision for my career path, yet I wonder what would it be like growing up with Daddy.

Daddy refers himself as a dumb redneck all the time. When we first talked on the phone, his heavy southern accent was a bit intimidating. Keep in mind, up until that point, my exposure to country folks were extremely limited. Rednecks were a group of mythical creatures not to messed with. Yes mythical, because in my little racist Asian city girl mind, I thought of them as barbaric. How ignorant I was and how much I have learned the ways of those people…

Little redneck Asian girl. That’s a funny image in my mind. Can totally imagine myself running in woods looking for snakes, lizards, and toads. Daddy will most likely teach me how to shoot, drive a truck, wood a stove and so on. The bizarre twist and turns my life have in store for me.

Roots

Written by Kit (The Big Girl)

Tuesday is my day off. That means only two and half days left for my current job. Been working for the clinic since I graduated around 7 years ago. There were many ups and downs, frustrations, and plenty of stress. I saw many staff came and went, but it never crossed my mind that I’d leave one day as well…

This year has been really challenging for me. With help and support from Dad and Hubby, I was finally able to face the wrong that my previous adoptive dad (2.0) had done. Took almost a whole year to make that problem go away and I finally did it. A lot of my resentment and hurt towards 2.0 are slowly going away. If there comes a day for us to meet in person, I’d be able to stand my ground and not allow him to bully me anymore. That’s a comforting thought. I don’t have much ill wishes for 2.0, but I just wish that by doing what I did this year, I hope he’s able to find some peace and balance in his world and live a good remainder of his life. If he wish to reach out and restore his relationship with me, I’d cautiously accept and give him a chance.

My grandfather of 103 passed away this year as well. I’ve been somewhat preparing for that day to come. But when it came, I still had much difficulty coping. I was adopted when I was about 5 months of age. I knew nothing about my biological family until 7 years ago. Grew up with my grandparents in China. Now that both of my grandparents had passed, my connection to my roots is dwindling. That in itself was and still is really sad. Feel like a part of my identity is disappearing.

Even though I live in US, the place I live has a huge Asian population. Much of what I liked about my current job is that I get to tap into my roots and interact with many Asian clients. When my original boss was still alive, he was this Asian father figure whom I found endearing. It may sound racist on my part, but there is comfort in speaking my native language and sharing a culture I am familiar with. Clients gifting us Red envelopes during Chinese New Year or seeing Moon Cakes on my table around mid autumn festival are all the little things I enjoy. All of that is coming to an end soon. Feel a bit sad about that…

Both Hubby and Dad are Caucasians. Again, I am not trying to be racist here, but it’s just hard for me to imagine them making dumplings on their own accord for special occasions. It’s a cultural difference, and food is an important part of Chinese culture I feel. Need to keep that alive and well. Thank YouTube for so many cooking channels. I am able to recreate a few dishes from my childhood memory. Shall spend much more of my free time in the kitchen recreating dishes to my liking. That’s how many asians express their love. Have you eaten yet?

Tired

Written by Kit (The big girl)

Tired, exhausted, drained..,physically, mentally, and emotionally. I just want to curl up and not think about anything.

Was faced with big problems from past, present, and future all at once this year. when in problem solving mode, there was no time to allow for much emotions. Now that most of the problems are behind me, I am feeling this tidal wave of emotions finally washing over me. It’s a bit overwhelming to process. However, I need to still keep that at bay. Need to focus for four more work days and I can breathe a long sigh of relief.

Looking forward to the company of loved ones. A new year and a new chapter of my life is about to start soon. For now, shall treat everyone with patience and kindness. As odd as it maybe, I am not looking forward to next Friday…