Day 6: What do you feel are the roots of your submission?
Do you think it has something to do with childhood?
Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline?
Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
I cheated and have had two days thinking about this. At first I thought the roots of my submission is just my need to please. The more I thought about it, the more I feel that there are two more components to that core…
My submission was born out of my need to please. I think there is a genetic component to that trait. For centuries Chinese culture has been selecting for women who are obedient, soft spoken, and subservient. I know it’s a cultural preference, but I can’t help but think if that preference had unknowingly selected for submissive women on a genetic level. Just a curiosity of mine and a question of nature vs nurture vs both.
Speaking of curiosity, it’s the second component for my submission. Yes you heard me right. Curiosity, my ever growing need to learn and grow. I look up to people who are more intelligent than me. I respect people who are wiser than me. I admire people who has higher EQ than I do. All of those drive my need to follow and learn from those individuals. When I get praises by them, I know I’ve done well. So Curiosity made the list.
The third component is love. As I learned to use my voice and learned how to say no, I no longer like to appease anyone and everyone. If you think about it, the act of appeasing is a type of self defense mechanism. As I pondered over that, I came to the conclusion that it’s an selfish act. Love, on the other hand, is altruistic. Love makes me care and worry. Love is what drives me to be Dad’s safety net…
So my submission stems from my need to please, grows from my desire to learn and is driven by my love for Dad. Yes, my submission can be used to manage my relationship with Dad or with Hubby, but I feel my submission is much more than just kneeling by Dad’s feet. It’s something spiritual, because ultimately we all have to submit to life and eventual death.