Day 5: Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you?
Have you been in more than one D/s relationship?
How were they the same? How were they different?
I am currently in a platonic D/s relationship with Dad. As for any previous D/s relationships, I had two. One was my failed D/s relationship with Hubby and the other was an on and off relationship with a mentor for about five years or so.
When I was in graduate school and was taking care of my ailing mother, I was in a desperate need for structure. I needed someone who could help me focus with my studies and I needed to hide from the reality that my mother was dying. Don’t think I was aware of Fetlife at that time, but I did went on to a spanking forum. Met a few self proclaimed disciplinarians, but I never clicked with any until the Mentor came along. He’s intelligent and well spoken and I eventually consented him to be my mentor.
He somewhat helped me through vet school and my mother’s passing and later with my discovery of my birth origin. I am very grateful for that. He had also introduced me to the concept of age play and M/s. While all of those concepts were intriguing to me, I felt uncomfortable by the way he broached me with those topics. Eventually, I stopped communicating with him because it was harming my relationship with my Hubby. My relationship with the Mentor was far from a sustainable D/s. I had a feeling that he was taking on more than a few subs. I didn’t care though, think I reached out to him on and off so I could get my D/s fix. I am not proud of those years, but it was still a good first lesson for my D/s journey. The ignorant beginning.
I then came to WP and wanted to blog about my D/s journey with Hubby. If D/s does not work with a self proclaimed Dominant surely I could encourage (or boss around. The irony in that phrase) Hubby to do it. Met Master X and I really enjoy talking to him and his slave. So through them, Hubby and I were introduced to MAsT and educated on what M/s entails. Master X had at one point agreed to take Hubby on as his protégé. But I quickly came to realize that Hubby was only taking on the dominant role to make me happy. He, himself, had minimal interest. I eventually and really reluctantly called off our D/s relationship and that was the second lesson for my D/s journey. The messy exploring phase.
My relationship with Dad is still evolving. It started with Dad offering us help. Which evolved to him adopting me as his daughter. The transition between father-daughter to added D/s was long and arduous. The D/s relationship I have with him now can be taken away anytime if Dad senses that it’s causing harm to my marriage. Numerous times in the beginning, Dad had reject the notion of being my Dominant because I was not mature enough to balance a D/s relationship with a vanilla relationship. I was struggling and could not find a solution to pass his “No”. Third lesson I learned in D/s is to have a voice. The learning and floundering phase.
From the get go, Dad sees and understand all three parts of me: the big girl (Kit), little girl (Kitten), and the submissive (Kitty). His goal has always been for all three parts of me to have their voice. Because of Dad’s firm believe in monogamous marriage, Kitty was the last one to come out of her shell and speak her mind. It took her years to disengage sexual fantasies from her concept of D/s. Came to the conclusion that certain sexual fantasies were not for her to realize thus not worth pursuing. Think in doing so, she tamed her sub frenzy and allowed her to just be and follow. As it turned out D/s is not really about kinks or sex, they can be mutually exclusive. She still needed therapeutic spankings and bondage from time to time, but she’s rarely sexually aroused from those interactions.
Think what I learned finally is that D/s provides stability in my life. It allows me to make decisions on strong footing. It allows me to sleep well at night. Used to have piles upon piles of problems in my life that I have no idea how to tackle. Now, when there is a problem, it gets shared with Dad and or Hubby and goes onto my todo list. Once addressed, I’d feel lighter and more free.
So this is my D/s journey so far. Shall see where life takes me this year and years to follow.
There done! This is a harder than usual prompt for me to write as it forces me to be honest with myself and face many bad decisions I’ve made. Hope it’s of value to you in one way or another. have a good day!