Day 4: Do you switch into a dominant role at any time?
Yes, I do. But before I go on further, I do have to explain what I mean by my dominant role. In my mind, it means leadership. Over the past decade, due to my work and my interactions with Hubby, I do have that dominant streak in me.
At work, I am a team leader. A reluctant team leader but a leader never the less. Back in high school, I wanted to be a veterinarian simply due to my love for animals. I kind of overlooked the fact that once a vet, I become the de facto leader. I need to oversee team of vet techs, vet tech assistants and sometimes younger vets while juggling multiple cases through out the day. Educating clients on what’s wrong with their pets and explaining diagnostic and treatment plan automatically place myself in that authoritative role. Do I like it? only certain aspects. I have to override my submissive nature (appeasing clients and staff) almost on daily basis to advocate whats best for their animals and to get things done on timely manner. I am not saying it’s bad thing, it just drains me more than my doing something else such as cooking and organizing my house. Having said all of that, I did learn how to be a good leader and conclude that a leader leads by example and work to serve their people not themselves.
As for my relationship with Hubby. I am the one who is more in control. Hubby has a more laid back approach to life. His motto has always been happy wife, happy life. This is a wonderful trait to have in a husband when the wife is willing to lead. I didn’t want to lead, I just want to be told what to do when I come home and then crash. For years Hubby and I had gotten into numerous arguments over who should lead. We would often drop the ball on paying bills thinking the other would take care of it. Stupid things like that would trigger me. Ultimately I became the de facto leader at home. I struggled with the decisions I make at home. I knew back then where I want to be, but had no means to reach my goal. I was frustrated, stressed, and unhappy.
Around 5 years ago, Dad came into our lives. It was a much needed respite for me that even my coworkers had noted a positive change. At the very begining, Dad was just helping us with our marriage and problems at work and life. I instinctually knew he’s a dominant, but he’s never forced his suggestions on us. He’s patient and has made himself available via his phone 24/7 if we had a problem. Our trust and respect grew as our list of problems got shorter and shorter. It took about four years for Dad to finally feel comfortable of establishing a D/s relationship with me. Took a lot of communication between him and I, him and Hubby, and Hubby and I. Some times we talk individually, sometimes we would have a group discussion. Everything is transparent so that my D/s relationship with Dad can coexist with my vanilla relationship with Hubby. In doing so, I do realize that sometimes my dominant streak would come out when I am with Dad (which I was quickly put into my place) and my submissive side would come out with Hubby (which Hubby do enjoy). In away, this bizarre arrangement is benefiting all three of us and has made our relationship stronger over time.
So there you have it, I am a submissive, but I can lead when I have to. Besides, Dad has always mentioned that one day I’ll be the one taking care of him. There may be a role reversal when we get older, slower, and weaker. That’s just the nature of things. As much as I dislike the thought of it, I still need to prepare for the inevitable. For now, I need not to worry about such things as I still has much to learn and grow.