Day 3: How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive?
All my life, I’ve always been quiet and obedient. So much so, my grandparents, my nanny, and my mother were all very concerned and protective of me.
Remembered one time walking home from elementary school, a kid ran past me and shoved me from behind. I fell face forward, chipped both of my front incisors and bloodied my lips. Came home crying with blood dripping down my chin and was concerned that my grandparents would go back to school to find that kid and had him apologize. I was more distraught by my grandparents and teachers’ actions than my own injuries. I just didn’t want any attention. I didn’t want to cause any trouble.
That wasn’t the worst part of the story though. The teeth I broke had exposed nerve endings. They weren’t addressed until years later. So I learned to eat things without using my front teeth and learned to cover my teeth with my tongue when drinking cold or hot beverages. I don’t think I complained much even though they were sensitive or painful. To this day I still have the muscle memory of babying my front teeth and protecting them with my tongue. Besides, the crowns I have are now twenty some year old. I hate going to the dentist and I’d like to keep it that way.
Looking back and reading numerous horror stories of submissives in abusive relationships, I have to say I am lucky to have found Hubby and later Dad. With my submissive tendencies, my inability to say no and inability to standup for myself, I could certainly end up in an abusive relationship and not be able to find my way out. Dodged a bullet in that regard.
If you are asking me when I developed my kink for spanking, I had to say it’s when I am around five or six. Spanking is widely accepted in China as means for parents to punish their child. Since I grew up with my grandparents, I had often wondered what it’s like to be raised by my parents. Spanking stood out in my young mind not so much because it’s exciting, but more of a tough love from parents that I subconsciously craved.
When internet and YouTube came along, I had more ways to search for anything related to spanking. I came across the movie Secretary and I was mesmerized. I learned the term submissive from that movie and identified with Lee on so many levels. I have always joked with Dad that part of vetting process should include Secretary for a movie date. Observe the other person for their reactions during the movie and have a deep conversation about the movie afterwards. The movie simply gets It, the essence of D/s relationship.
The part that took my breath away was when Mr. Grey told Lee to walk home. To take a stroll in the park and be free. He didn’t ask, he gave her permission to do so. It was freeing for Lee because someone else had saw through her facade, understood, and freed her from her own demons. That was the turning point. I just loved to see the beautiful transformation of Lee from this awkward, ugly duckling to a confident, elegant swan. It’s simply beautiful. Dad may tease me about it, but I’ve watched it 6 or 7 times at least and am always up for watching it again.
So, there you have it. Think I babbled long enough on this topic. Need to get up and get going with my to-dos of the day.