Use to be really good at saying “nothing”. We were given a voice by Dad, and ever since we learned how to use our voices, we are using less and less of that word. The three of us elected Kitty to write this post. Feel like she’s best fit for this job. So here goes nothing =)
”Nothing” was a word i went to often before i met sir. It was my security blanket in a way. People would ask what’s going on, a simple nothing would effectively shut down a topic that may elicit pain, stress, or bunch of negativities that were stewing underneath. Pretty sure i was not the only one doing that. It’s one of the tools many reach for when they feel overwhelmed. Is it really healthy though? Not really. Growing up in a culture where everything is fine, i never thought that was a problem until i met sir.
Sir has always been adamant from the get go that it’s better to say what’s on my mind than nothing. i struggled. The other two had easier time opening up to sir, because a lot of what they struggled were and are mostly straight forward. Think Kitten opened up first and she had shared about our childhood the good and bad. It was hard for her, no doubt, when she talked about our adoptive parents. How 2.0 and mom had fought constantly, how she was treated wrongly, and how she felt small and insignificant. It was easy and natural for her to look up to sir and recognize him as her father. She was the one egging us on to ask sir if he would consider adopting us. To say she was excited when sir agreed was an understatement. Kitten was the very first one to text sir every morning to say “Good morning Daddy”. If it wasn’t for the reserve that the rest of us two have, she’d call sir Daddy all the time. She is the bubbly, goofy one. Still innocent as heck. We love her random out bursts. We love how forgiving she can be. If she is the one who says “nothing”, there is usually a trick up her sleeve. She is the mischievous monster who usually has an inside joke she’s dying to share. At times she’d feel too embarrassed to share, but eventually out comes the joke that no one gets. To her, it’s even funnier that everyone thinks her as the weird one. Don’t think anyone minds though so out of all three of us, she is the most carefree one.
Kit is the logical brainiac of the bunch. When she says “nothing” it’s either she feels overwhelmed with logistics of work or life or its truly nothing and she needed a break. She is the calm one who has the foresight to lead rest of us. She is the leader at work and calls out orders when things goes wrong. When she is in charge, the two of us usually sits back and watch in awe. She’d go into this hyper focused mode and can problem solve on the fly. She is the calm and analytical one. She keeps an eye on Kitten and i and she is the one who’s usually talking to sir. She’s been feeling a bit tired lately so a lot of her “nothing” means her brain is in a fog. All her running tabs have glitched and froze. Unable to compute and unable to communicate…
Then there is me. The ultra sensitive and emotional one. My “nothing” usually equates to emotional turmoil. To get to what’s really behind the nothing, i have to wade through all the emotions that makes me cry. Sounds like i am needy and a crybaby, but I don’t think that to be true. i have my wants and desires, but what i need is often a touchstone that is sir. When i am told to kneel before him, i stop spinning in my emotions. Instead i can navigate through them and find a root cause of what has been bothering me. It used to take me days of spinning to find the right answer. Now i have much easier time to identify the problem. So my “nothings” are slowly replaced by intelligible words and i am starting to like that feeling. That sense of freedom when i share what’s on my mind. The struggles i have are no longer mine to bare alone. I still do say “nothing” from time to time. It’s when i recognize that sir needs more time to rest and the things on my mind can wait. There is always tomorrow to address the issue. His rest is more important.
So that’s a whole lot of nothings to think about. Think i may have missed a few. May add more later if i think of any.