Bookkeeping: Act of Service or Control?

Written by Kit (The big girl in charge) with inputs from Kitty (The submissive)

Think I started my journey to improve my personal finance somewhere around late 2017 to early 2018. At that time Hubby and I have vague ideas of what financial freedom meant. It pretty much means to have money work for us so we don’t need to work for money and yadi yada. It was an abstract concept to us as we have no idea how to get from point A to point B. At that time, we were still living pay check to pay check. Had no freaking clue as to where our money went. So I did what every confused individual does, I consulted a bunch of self help books and YouTube videos on personal finance. There was one problem, I was a financial illiterate. Think I got more confused and overwhelmed through my hours of research than learning anything helpful. However, there was one super duper thing I got out of those hours of research, I learned how to budget.

In its simplest form, budgeting is assigning our monthly income to its appropriate categories and sticking to those assignments. Essentially, each dollar has its purpose, better to use it purposely than to squander it. Bookkeeping is tracking the ins and outs of our money. So that all of the dollars are accounted for at end of month. Most of the work happened at end of the month. Analyzing our spending habits and planning for next month type of thing. It’s a tedious task, but essential if we want to achieve financial freedom. In doing so, I was able to catch missed payments, memberships that we no longer need, weird service charges that we are not aware of, and so on. Instead of money bleeding out of our pockets, we were able to stay focused. Within 3 years or so, we were able to pay off all of our debts that roughly amounted to $120K. Now the money we used to pay off our debts are mostly going into our retirement funds. Let those money grow and soon enough those money will work for us. So what does all of these have to do with service or control? D/s relationship can hide in plain site. So allow me to explain.

Many people see money as power which equates to control. Whoever has the control of money in any given household tend to have their say on things. Well not in my family. Before I go further, I do want to clarify that I consider my Dad and sister as my family. So when I mention family, I am talking about family of four. And yes, I have been the bookkeeper of my family for past year or so. Ask me any time how we are doing financially, I can pretty much tell you everything down to the penny if I wanted to, well better way to phrase it, if i have permission from Dad and Hubby. I am simply the one keeping track of money and directing them to areas where I think will benefit my family. Dad is actually the elder who has a vision of where our family should be years and decades from now. The reason I mentioned it in such way, is that I don’t want to mislead you and indicate that Dad has all the power. That’s not true. He leads by example. So I follow his example and make decisions aligning to his way of life. Do research on things you want to buy, buy good things once, and take care of them. That type of wisdom with money.

My following Dad’s lead is more of an active submission than passive. So I see the budgeting and bookkeeping as a service to my family instead of control. It’s not restrictive but freeing in the long run. I do (well Kitten does)after all want to visit all the zoos and aquariums in North America before I die. Family road trips to all national parks sounds great as well. Still need to learn how to play a cello before I get all arthritic. More time to paint and craft. Start a garden and a quail farm. Build our own hose and blah blah blah. The list of dreams goes on. You get the idea.

10 thoughts on “Bookkeeping: Act of Service or Control?

  1. I think it merits a post, which I will enjoy writing…but already in University days, I believed that marriage is a partnership, equality. I committed to myself at that time that I would give my spouse half of everything, so that there would never be a hint of dependence from her towards me…of course that assumes that I was primary breadwinner, and that is as it has panned out…but the real change was the birth of our children. I just never wanted my wife to feel that she was not totally free to leave, and giving her financial independence was a big part of it. in reality, I have given her everything and I own nothing…but that is another story. It has felt really good, though, and has also helped to keep me focused on working through the inevitable moments of friction.

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    1. Interesting…

      I grew up in two households essentially. One with my adoptive grandparents. Grandpa made majority of that household’s income and grandma was the one managing all of it. Their marriage was harmonious and I’ve never saw them fought over money or anything really.

      I then spent majority of my teenage years with my adoptive parents. They both worked dad made a little bit more than mom, but they fought over money all the time. To a point I was sick of all the fighting and bickering.

      So money to me is important, but not important enough to destroy a relationship. Hubby and I make equal amount. And we pour everything into our joined accounts. He didn’t like to manage money so I took over not in a controlling way but in away such as, hey we spent too much money on food this month. May need to pay more attention next month type of thing.

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      1. That’s very interesting, thank you for sharing. My wife had a very high flying career until we had children, and that put a crimp in things, and I was worried that it would dent her sense of self and independence to not have a constant flow of money. There is something here too in that she is a woman and I am not, and there is a backdrop that grants me privileges that she doesn’t have…I don’t know if that makes sense.

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  2. Money issues are supposedly the number one source of friction in a relationship. Income inequality, though an external phenomenon, can become an internal problem in a relationship, when the two parties don’t make equal financial contributions. Given how hard it is for women to have equal pay for equal work, to have equal access to equal jobs, but also to have equal ongoing earnings through life despite pregnancy and children–it is a challenge to navigate this and takes a very enlightened couple with aligned expectations. That is what I was trying to say above. It can be hard for emotional and relational equality to exist when financial equality does not.

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    1. Ah…I see what you mean now.

      I belive a couple should work as a team. Not everything needs to be equal per se. One person maybe good at earning money, another maybe good at saving money. One person maybe good at managing money and another maybe good at investing. We all have our unique skill sets that define us. A couple should explore that and work synergistically towards a common goal.

      A lot of couple make the mistake of competing with eachother, they often fail to see eachother’s strengths and weaknesses. Think in the long run, it’s better to work interdependly than independently. And I do think, that was the secret to my grandparents’ successful marriage.

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