Thoughts on Punishment

Someone has asked a really good question regarding types of punishments I receive from Dad. I couldn’t really answer that for several reasons. Primary one being I’ve never received a punishment from Dad. Second, Dad is not a huge supporter for punishments. I certainly do not doubt his ability to administer one, but both of us do not like to resort to that to correct and resolve our problems.

Due to the nature of BDSM community, punishments are often confused with “funishments”. I was once largely drawn towards that. But the more I thought about it the more confused I was. If a punishment is meant as a deterrent, why is it so alluring? Dad once said that true punishment is kinda sorta like death. It’s an unknown. Us humans do not like unknown for an answer. So either we work to find the answer or we assume or fantasize to fill in the gap. It’s a bit abstract, but that certainly explains the alluring part.

Punishment should fit the crime. When something goes wrong, most of the time it’s not solely follower’s fault. There’s an oversight on leader side as well. A wise leader will look at the situation and decide if the follower has truly committed a crime or there’s something else that has caused the failure. If it’s something else, the leader will then troubleshoot with his follower so that they can both learn from that failure and avoid future pit falls. If it’s follower’s fault, the type and severity of the punishment should match the crime committed. Goal is to one correct or mitigate the damage from that failure and two not to have that repeated ever again. If done right, one punishment should be enough for one’s lifetime.

As for me personally, I am always horrified at the thought of disappointing Dad. Many times, Dad would mention something and I’d immediately do it. Think of me as teacher’s pet if you will. I am always driven so that Dad can be proud of me. Think part of that drive is largely due to my past. Don’t think Dad 2.0 was ever proud of something I do or achieve. So that need to be seen and loved out weighs the inconveniences or reluctance to follow orders from Dad 3.0. That said, I am also a submissive at heart. I love to please everyone around me. I want them to be happy. So I’d always try my best to avoid conflict wherever I go.

With all that said, I do have areas of weakness. I get passionate and emotional over things I belive in. Most of the time, it’s a good thing. Like learning a new skill or helping someone in need. Once in a while, I’d let my negative emotions cloud my judgment. Dad would often step in and give me warnings that I was venturing close to making mistakes that’d hurt me. I’d say 99.9% of time, those warnings were enough to keep me grounded. That leaves 0.1% chance where I’d truly fail. I am terrified at the thought of that. I am not really fearful of the actual punishment from Dad, but punishment from my own inner judge. Dad’s punishment will probably pale in comparison to the never ending negative spin that my judge can send me into. I’ve done enough of that to understand how miserable and painful those spins can be.

So when it comes to punishment, both Dad and I are actively working hard to avoid. It has its place, but should not be the first tool to reach for when things go wrong.

2 thoughts on “Thoughts on Punishment

  1. Thank you for sharing, kit! The way you wrote about consequences in your previous post, I thought there might be some in place. But it sounds like Dad’s disappointment is a big enough consequence to keep you behaving 🙂


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