It’s been a while since I last wrote anything. This year has been and will be a year of many changes. Those changes are going in the right direction. So don’t worry. Since I am a creature of habit, the Taurus in me is struggling to embrace all the changes that are thrown at me once. Again not a bad thing, just need time to adjust and go with the flow.
Anyway in the past months, I’ve sensed much stress building up. When stress had crossed my threshold of tolerance, I was prompted to ask if Dad would take over some of the power I have over myself. He agreed and this is more or less a temporary power exchange arrangement. I get to choose if I want to keep it for long term or call it off when the need subsides. Because during this time of change, I don’t really trust my own judgment. I need someone else to step in and be like “hey! You are entering a danger zone. Stop! Before you get hurt” For those of you who are pondering what this exchange means, Dad is not my Dominant. Dad is my father forever and always. He just now have firmer grip to my life until I feel safe to venture out again.
Read the Four Agreements book in full this time. Thank you Nora for the suggestion. I’ve gained a deeper understanding of why I need Dad to counter balance me. The book has mentioned that we are our worst critics. We all have a judge and a victim. Our judge goes by our own book of morals and ethics that we wrote during development. For certain people, our judges are extremely harsh on ourselves. They punishes us for the mistake we make over and over again. It goes from just to abuse. Thus people suffers from depression, mood swings, self harm, and a whole list of negative behaviors. What I mean by giving Dad more power is I am handing him my ability to judge myself. I’ve grown tired and exhausted from the self inflicted abuse. I am ready to hand that control over to Dad. He now gets to say if I’ve done a good job or if I messed up. He gets to carry out my reward or punishment. He gets to give me warnings that I am close to danger zones. That sensation is incredibly freeing. It’s like sending my judge to a remote island for a vacation and the inner me can finally come out and play. As long as I follow Dad’s lead, I am safe. Even if I were to make a mistake the punishment will be quick and just.
Who knows, maybe when my judge comes back from her vacation, she will be more relaxed and forgiving. Saying that tongue in cheek, of course. My judge will always be there. Dad will help me to tone her down. Help her understand that it’s okay to let certain things go. She is not a villan. Still need her for my moral compass.
Happy Lunar New Year everyone!
Be kind to each other and most importantly be kind to yourself. Stay safe and healthy!