Mandarin word of the day: 父亲 (Father)

An interesting thought came up the other day while talking to Dad on the phone. We were talking about how ecstatic I was walking inside an Asian market when we visited Dad a few weeks back. I was amused by the fact that I was the only Chinese girl trailed by two white guys. While Hubby was no stranger to asian markets, it was Dad’s first time visiting one. Him being a redneck and all made the trip even more amusing and memorable as I twirled around the market showing him what a bitter melon was, what my favorite childhood candies look like, and how preserved duck eggs appear dark in color… I was casually conversing with the clerk in mandarin as we checked out, a thought gradually came about and materialized the other day when we revisited that particular memory.

You see I am still adjusting to the fact that I now have a father who cares for and loves me as if I am his own. The transition for him to have a second daughter has been effortless and natural. However, for me, I still struggle at times. I thought to the period when I was with my previous father, how uncomfortable and fearful I was of him. There was no cultural nor language barrier between him and I, yet we were distant. There’s a lot of pain lingering from that relationship. So naturally I am slightly reserved with this one. Afterall, how could a redneck with minimal knowledge of Chinese culture understand me let alone be my father? Yet as unlikely as the arrangement may seem, our relationship grows stronger each day as we talk about our daily lives, explore our strength and weakness, share our thoughts, participate in our shenanigans, and more…

The thought, as I told Dad, was that if I were to introduce him as my Dad in mandarin to other people such as to that store clerk, there will be this sense of finality to my relationship with him. To this day, I’ve been referring him as Dad in English but never in manderin. To refer to him as 父亲 (father) or 爸爸(dad), in my mind, will psychologically and permanently replace my previous dad. It’s odd, I know, but instead of uttering those words with distain or trepidation, I’ll be casually saying “他是我爸 (he is my Dad)” with sense of love and pride. I’d say I’ve reached a milestone for my mind to come up with that thought. It means my mind is more at ease and is healing from my past. Eventhough, there are still some kinks to work out here and there, but I am happy where I am. Eachday when I wake up knowing that my loved ones are safe and sound is another beautiful day!

7 thoughts on “Mandarin word of the day: 父亲 (Father)

  1. Hi nuttykitten! I am feeling confused, and when I tried to figure it all out by going back and reading your previous posts… I’m still confused. I know that you were adopted, correct? But, it sounds like you lived with your biological parents for some portion of your life. When did your White dad come into your life? Sorry… I’m so full of questions this morning 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Nora, sorry for the confusion. White Dad came into my life around summer of 2017ish? We didn’t make that final arrangement until beginning of last year. He initially came into my life as a father figure and a dominant. As time went on, father figure won over so he is now my Dad. We have plans to make that relationship official (meaning going through court and get adoptive papers.) We’ll probably do it once this whole COVID thing is over…

      I have not spoke to my previous dad for several years now. The last time I visited, he pretty much moved on with his life and married to another woman already. There was no signs of me nor my mom ever living in his house. So that was a bit sad… But I am glad that we mutually agreed to go our separate ways, and I am glad I have the freedom to choose whom my father should be. So thats where I am at right now.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for providing further clarification, nuttykitten! So, may I ask…how did you meet your new Dad? I hope I’m not asking too many questions. I am genuinely excited and interested to learn about your dynamic.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ask away. I don’t mind. You can call me Kit if you wish.

        We met through here on WP initially. Took interest in eachother’s blog posts and we just started communicating from there. First was through emails followed by phone calls. Eventually Hubby and I decided to visit him in person some 2000 miles away and we just fit. Him, my Hubby, his daughter, and me. We just fit into eachother’s lives almost perfectly…certainly odd but I can’t complain.

        We’ve got the father-daughter relationship down pat, and he is very clear about NOT wanting a D/s relationship as you would expect from a D/s couple due to my marital status. So some times my submissive side struggles. Because he is very much a Dominant through and through and I have my D/s fantasies that’d clearly cross the line, I am drawn to his dominant side like moth to fire. So…during those time of struggle, I’d just talk to him about it. If I don’t, I tend to just bottle up all my emotions and end up hurting people whom I love. Besides, he knows. He somehow knows whats on my mind so there is no point in hinding from him…

        So in away my relationship with him is mostly a hybrid between Father-daughter and D/s. Afterall if you think about it, parent/child is a D/s relationship too.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I think it is amazing, Kit! To find such a good fit, that meets everyone’s needs, is a very special thing. Thank you for sharing more about how you all came together. In a way, it is similar to what I am seeking. I get the physical/discipline part of a D/s dynamic from my husband… but I am also seeking the mental part of it. The guidance, the support, the rules put in place for my health and wellness. I look forward to continuing to hear about your dynamic. I wish nothing but the best for all of you ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Thank you Nora.
        I totally understand that need for that wiser someone to provide guidance and structure. I’ve been lucky. Hope you and your hubby can find a good fit with that special someone. =)
        And I still do hope you can work out something with your friend.

        Liked by 1 person

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