I’ve been very lazy about blogging in recent months. Truth of the matter is, I no longer have the desire to be heard or understood via an online community. My daily interactions with my loved ones, coworkers, and clients are enough to keep me busy and occupied. What’s significant about that is those who care about me see me for who I am. I no longer need to hide certain parts of me, because all parts of me are seen and cared for in one way or the other.
It’s definitely a good thing. For those who wonder occasionally on how I am doing, I am doing well in general. Actually, I am doing great! Given the original nature of this blog, I know some of you are wondering how my submissive side is doing. She is doing well too. That bit is slightly harder to explain, but I’ll try my best.
My original intent on starting this blog is to write about my D/s journey with my Hubby. We tried M/s. Well we fumbled through that stage and came to the realization that there are certain things we cannot change in a person. It’s hard for Hubby to be a Dominant and it’s just as hard for me not to be a submissive. Having said all of that, Hubby is still my husband. I am starting to see certain wisdom in His decision making that I previously had missed. So in away I am more trusting of His leadership than I was before. This is going to be an ongoing process. We learn as we go type of thing.
For a while I was confused about what I need as a submissive. Was it the protocols or the rules that I needed to keep me grounded? Or was it the amazing sex and fabled subspace that I fantasized about and desired for? …or was it something deeper that resonates with my submissive and/or even my little girl side of me?
As it turns out, it’s something deeper. It is love. That unconditional love you see in most well maintained parent child relationships. That unconditional love you see when an old man kisses his wife on the forehead. Unconditional love… what is it? It’s a feeling shared between, two, three, four (in my case), or more people that no matter what happens, we will work together and solve eachother’s problems. No one is left behind. No flaw is great enough for any of us to stop loving eachother. Be it between husband and wife, father and daughters, we are all in this together to face any challenges that life has to offer. Some of us are naturally good at leading, some of us are naturally good at following. Each of us doing our part to make our relationships strong. In that environment, I feel my submissive side shine. She is doing her part to serve the people she loves. To see them relaxed, happy, or thrive in this crazy world we live in is her greatest reward. Of course she worries for the unknowns, but she is comforted in knowing that at times there are no solutions to problems at hand, but she is not facing those problems alone.
In the months I’ve been silent, I came to realize that D/s relationships that people read online are overly fetishized. People “new” to the concept are distracted by the sexual aspect of It. The reason I quoted new is that we at one point or another have all gone through some sort of D/s relationship. Parent/child, teacher/student, employer/employee. Principle behind those relationships are more or less the same. A good leader sees the potential in His (using that as a generic term, too lazy to be politically correct) followers. He is patient and kind. He sees the pitfalls and lays down paths ahead of His followers so that those following can trverse safely. In place of coercion, He leads by example. He is neither arrogant nor short tempered. On the flip side, a good follower sees the wisdom in her leader. She does not follow blindly, but she follows with respect. She looks out and cares for her leader. She is not weak nor is she incapable. One day that role may reverse. Hopefully by then, she will learn the wisdom to lead.