Day 10: Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships?
How do you feel about BDSM?
Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?
Been sitting on this topic for a while. Seeing this as a trend, I am just going to reset my writing schedule to every several days. Been talking to Dad about these writing prompts and lately I’ve come to realize that a lot of our D/s interactions are now normalized. Preparing salads in handcuffs? No problem! I see that as a challenge to better my surgical skills. It’s no different than my putting on an apron to cook. Well to be honest, I am a nudist so usually you’d find me cooking in my safety panties only, but I digress. I shall touch upon that nudity thing in another post. Anyway, this normalcy is what’s difficult in writing these prompts. Because topic of D/s is no longer front and center in my mind. It’s just a part of my daily life. No different than watching TV or playing video games. It just happens and sometimes there are just not enough to talk about watching TV that type of mentality. So, back to our regularly scheduled program. 30 Days of Submission: thoughts on BDSM.
BDSM stands for:
BD – Bondage and Discipline
Ds – Domination and submission
SM – Sadism and Masochism
My first thought regarding the acronyms is that it does not make logical sense. I see D/s and SM are direct opposite of each other but BD isn’t. It’s almost a redundancy of some sort. As if the word “Bondage” was thrown in because of common practice in the community and it needed another word to pair with it and that word happens to begin with D. Even though a Dominant should be disciplined in what they do, let’s just toss the word “Discipline” to make it sound more legit and pleasing to the ears. Feel like the acronyms should start with Ds and build from there. Just my two cents on that topic.
Second thought. Due to my asexual relationship with Dad, I had to counter condition my brain that BDSM can thrive even if it’s asexual. So allow me dive deeper into BDSM and how it applies to my relationship with Dad.
That will always be the major pillar of our dynamic. Think about it. In a parent child relationship, who is the leader and who is the follower? This should be the foundation. A good leader is someone who leads by example and is observant of their follower(s). A good follower is someone who listens, but has a mind of their own. The best example for the last bit is the relationship between a main surgeon and their assistant surgeon. One is the leader and the other a follower. One directs the surgery the other assist. Both need to understand the procedure well. While the main surgeon performs the surgery, the assistant surgeon anticipates the main surgeon’s needs. Hemostasis? Check. Mayo scissors? Check. Tissue retractor? Check. 3-0 suture? Check! That’s how I am with Dad. He watches out for my needs and make sure I have those needs met. While I follow his instructions, I also anticipate his needs so that he’s taken care of as well. Relationship is a two way street. One can never overlook this simple fact.
That’s what colors our dynamic. Dad can be quite sadistic at times, but he only let that side out when he is sure that one it will not harm me and two it’s for my benefit. May need Dad to expand upon that himself, but I’ll focus on my masochistic side for now.
I am still coming to terms with my masochistic side. Do I like to be humiliated? It’s an yes and no answer. Yes, when I know I am confident of myself and see humiliation as humor. No, when I am self-conscious and know there are parts of me that I can work upon. Having said that, humiliation should never be used to harm another. It is a double edged sword and should be used with extreme caution.
Do I like pain? That’s the million dollar question I’d like to have some sort of answer for myself. My current answer is also yes and no. Yes, I find it comforting (especially emotional pain). It’s and area of familiarity. My mind sometimes wander towards certain thoughts that trigger lots of emotional pain. Why does it do that? I don’t know. It’s like asking why Eeyore is Eeyore? To counter that emotional pain, I often ask Dad to apply physical pain to me. To beat the crap out of that emo side of me so I can be normal. Think it’s mind’s subconscious way of saying “hey, you are low on endorphins. A spanking will help”. This is no different from a runner’s high or any behavior modification drugs like Xanax or the like. The trick is to use in moderation as to avoid addiction. I don’t like physical pain nor emotional pain. Simply because both are unpleasant. Do I seek pain on purpose? No. What I seek in pain is comfort and familiarity I suppose. There are right and wrong way to go about it. And I trust Dad to deliver pain in ways I feel safe and comforted.
Bondage. Currently in handcuffs typing this post. It does reinforces my submission to Dad while he is 3000 miles away. It’s a physical reminder that he is always watching and monitoring. It’s also a symbol of trust that he trusts me to use it safely and responsibility. A great deal of harm can be done when I am in cuffs. What if I have a need that requires full range of motion? That’s why the key to my cuffs is always on the kitchen counter where both Hubby and I know to get in time of need. Dad governs when to have me wear the cuffs while I get to have the freedom to decide when they come off. Restraint is often used as a reward or a way to manage my busy mind. I can have millions of thoughts and be pulled in millions of directions. Something simple like handcuffs often times helps me to calm down and focus. As you can see, my mind is finally focused enough to write this post. Been busy with loads of other projects in past few days is an understatement.
Discipline. Self-discipline or discipline-discipline? Either one exist in my world. I used to be really lackadaisical with how I manage my time. Used to be a lazy bum and my Mother used to lecture me all the time of how messy my room was or how I am not spending my time wisely. Since she passed, her admonitions have always been on back of my mind. It’s getting to an unhealthy level currently where I’d beat myself up for my perceived unproductive day. I don’t know how to slow down and have fun. My mind is always racing and finding things to do…Enters discipline from Dad. Sometimes, Dad will see and recognize my good use of time. Sometimes, Dad will put a stop to my frantic need to progress. Other times like tonight, Dad will use some element of BDSM to reward me for good behavior.
It’s odd how this relationship between Dad and I work with the approval and support from Hubby. I suppose there is an parallel universe out there where all of these are normal. Get to see people in cuffs and collars and not think twice. Spanking in public is just as normal as sitting on a bench enjoying a sandwich. Hehe… my mind wanders into weird places sometimes….
Anyway, time to remove the cuffs and head to bed. Had a productive day today.